Oh, I Love Technology!

It looks like Jen has decided that we need to take the plunge into the world of cyberspace. Ever since I found out about the concept of “blogging,” I have secretly, and even somewhat openly, mocked the whole idea of writing random factoids about yourself in the hopes that somebody, somewhere would care enough to stop and read them. It’s like that three-year old that keeps calling your name to get your attention so they can show you some random trick. “Hey. Hey! Hey!! Watch this!” The child, realizing they now have your attention, furiously tries to come up with something that merits taking your attention away from another person, place, or thing, and proceeds to stick out their tongue or perform a lopsided summersault. You applaud or laugh appropriately, and upon returning your focus to your previous activity, the cycle begins again. In a nutshell, apparently I believe that “blogging” is the adult’s version of a lopsided summersault.

Not knowing exactly what to write on my first venture, I researched some blog sites of friends and family (very nice by the way). I loved some of the stories and humorous moments, but I was inspired by my sister-in-law’s six random things that nobody knows about her. With that being said, here’s my very first attempt at a lopsided summersault.

Random Factoid #1 – I don’t much care for sausage.

I don’t know that I was ever a really big fan of sausage, but after a few bad run-ins with homemade Brazilian blood sausage, my aversion was thoroughly established. You wouldn’t think that this would be a terribly difficult food to avoid, but over the past three years of living in Texas, however, I have come to realize that Texans like their sausage about as much as Utahn’s like their Jell-o. To utilize some hyperbole, it’s everywhere, all the time. The favorite pizza flavors always involve sausage or pepperoni to some degree or another, and the juice is the only thing that doesn’t contain large quantities of greasy meats at group breakfasts at work. I’m sure that once Minute Maid lands on the concept of pork-flavored breakfast juice, it will be all the rage as well. It’s just a matter of time.

Random Factoid #2 – My feet aren’t the same size.

I know that a lot of people fall into this category, but my feet are seriously different. At last measure, my right foot is officially a full size smaller than my left. This has been an issue for as long as I can remember, and it’s always a debate as to what size shoe I should purchase. Maybe the emotional anguish is subconsciously the reason why I never buy shoes… I’ll have to remember that next time Jen tells me I need some. I like to think my right foot was stunted from kicking a soccer ball so many times growing up. That way at least the deformity is manly.

Random Factoid #3 – I’m secretly proud of my weird tan lines.

As most of you who know me are aware, I don’t get outside much. When I do, it’s generally to A) walk to or from my office building, B) work in the yard, or C) work on my golf game. Neither A nor B provide much opportunity for improving my tan, as A takes place underneath a covered walkway, and B generally occurs later in the evening when the sun’s rays are less intense. C, on the other hand, involves a stylish white glove and some form of baseball/golf hat. As a result, my left hand looks like I’m still wearing the glove, and I have a nice transition zone right around my temples to accentuate my glowing forehead. I’m sure it causes Jen inestimable amounts of embarrassment to be seen with me, but to me, it means I’ve gotten out of the office and spent some time doing something I enjoy. Better yet, it buys my right of passage into the revered fraternity of closet wanna-be golfers. Generally, the only people that notice happen to be golfers themselves. And as we pass each other in the halls, we give each other a knowing smile and wave our pale hands in a silent salute. Here’s to you Mr. 40 handicapper!

Random Factoid #4 – I want Matthew to say “dada” before “mama.”

I’m not giving secret coaching lessons to our son, but it may be high time to start. Matthew is nearly 9 months old, is learning new things at an unbelievable rate, and Jen gets far more time to coach and work with him. Believe me, the kid will unquestionably turn out better for it, but I may need to ramp-up the “daddy” practice all the same. Over the course of the last month, he’s completely abandoned his army “scooch” in favor of crawling, has figured out how to pull himself up to a standing position, has started “cruising” (a sweet term by the way), and can walk across the room if he holds your fingers. In the same course of time, he’s also sprouted three teeth, learned to dismantle any object with ease, honed his ability to spit-up accurately just off the edge of the blanket, and invented 17 new sleeping positions. What a stud.

Random Factoid #5 – I’m a horrible triathlete.

To give you some quick background, several months ago I went to the doctor for a check-up. After getting the results of my blood work, he looked at me seriously and said, “I have some bad news.” Great way to start a conversation with a doctor, huh? He then proceeded to tell me that my cholesterol and blood pressure were high, but more critically, my triglycerides were obscenely high. Like astronomically off the charts high. He gave me four months to “institute a dramatic change in lifestyle” or else I would have to be medicated. Sweet gig. After pondering it for a couple of days, I decided to join a gym for the first time in six years. A few weeks later, I was feeling so motivated that I wrote a smack-talk email to my family members, laying down the gauntlet to compete in the 2009 Spudman Triathlon in Burley, Idaho. I figured that most of them would laugh at and/or encourage me to continue on my foolhardy venture, but remain safely on the sideline. Little did I know that I would create a monster. Not only did they all agree to participate, but they all started training regularly, they’re all swimming and running, and most of them have already purchased bikes, weird “locking” shoes, and slippery “cyclist” clothing. Mike has even competed in a 5k already, and Kristy is competing in her first sprint triathlon this coming weekend. Me? I didn’t work out for the last month and a half, and I’m currently sore because I ran a mile and a half yesterday. I hurt when I run, I chafe when I ride, and I drown when I swim. Again, what a stud.

Random Factoid #6 – I love living in Houston.

I know, I know. It probably breaks a lot of family member’s hearts to hear that, and it probably amazes a few more after my adamant declarations in high school that Texas was the “most miserable place on the planet. It’s hot, flat, humid, and ugly… there are no redeeming qualities about Texas.” Regardless, we’ve really had a fantastic experience down here so far, and have made more good friends than we could have imagined. It also doesn’t hurt that you can golf year round and buy a modest home for slightly more than a Popsicle. Maybe someday we’ll move closer to our roots, but in the mean time, thank goodness for frequent flyer miles!